Union Lido humour

Fun Stories About Union Lido & Other Holiday Parks For Your Amusement

World Cup Fever Grips Bolero Holidays & Union Lido

08/07/10 16:09

Bolero staff and clients got together to watch the semi final match between Spain and Germany at Union Lido. It was a great night for everyone involved.

Spain, Germany, World Cup, Union Lido, Bolero

Union Lido World Cup Spain Germany Bolero Holidays

Holiday Fun world cup, football

Meet Our Union Lido Family

27/01/10 10:19

Family is an important word, not just because the bigger they are, the more presents you get on birthdays and christmas, but because it holds a deep connection that harks back as far as time itself. When you think about family you think about safety, security and having the comfort to be yourself without trying to impress anyone.

As a family we welcome you all, whether you have bad hair, crooked teeth or a total lack of fashion sense, it doesn't matter to us. We are here to make your time with us a happy one, welcoming you into our open arms and giving each and everyone a personal loving hug!

We are always pleased to welcome you into our family as we hope you welcome us into yours. If you would like to feature on our holiday / fun page, just email in a photo and tell us more about it.

Holiday Fun family, fun, union lido

Aqualandia Splash Awards 2009

12/01/10 15:10

Welcome to the 2009 Splash Awards. I have been given the honour of showcasing the top 4 splashes at Aqualandia near Union Lido this year. The Splash Awards are given based on the creativity of the splash, the resulting shockwave that enacts upon the pool and the all important flail. Enjoy the top 4 splashes of 2009 and maybe 2010 will be your year to shine!

Number 4. The Flipper (Jamie Connor)

Inspired by Pinball tables and family shows about dolphins, the flipper takes it's name from the water sliders ability to pull their legs up high into the air just before impact and honk like a dolphin in distress.
It is interesting to note that this move is not permitted at the water park near Seaworld Orlando Florida for obvious reasons.

Number 3. The Kamikaze (Joe Wilson)
Not many people want to ride into a pool and take a wave slap to the chest, but if you expect to pull off a perfect Kamikaze, you better tuck in that gut, puff up them pecs and crash into that wave with confidence.
The resulting water slap will normally leave a mark resembling a rorschach test enabling you to enjoy the freedom of your own imagination in re-seeing new and interesting shapes. It might even come in handy at a party or convention that's drying up with boredom.

Number 2. The Skimmer (Milke Wilson)
How many of us have walked to the edge of a lake or to the breaking wave on the beach and tried to bounce a smooth rounded stone off into the distance?.Not an easy task at all! Even harder when you try to do it at the bottom of a waterslide.
The skimmer is a hard one to master as it requires you to contort your body into a smooth round pebble shape and hope to skim across the water to the otherside of the pool. Friction burns is an almost certainty no matter how careful you are so this one is not for the feint at bottom.
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Number 1. The Angelic Faceplant (Jamie Connor)
Whether you think a wave slap to the chest or a red and burning backside is the worst your body could endure at the end of a waterslide, then this is not the splash for you.
The angelic faceplant as the photo opposite depicts is a face first uber wave slap that creates an angelic water wing structure in mid-air just before you submerge into the pool.
Your face will feel like it just ran into a water shaped bus but! people will flock to you back home in the UK on cold nights to warm their hands on your hot stinging face.

Holiday Fun splash awards

Field Testing A Union Lido 'Pedalo'

12/01/10 15:07

Remember where you heard it folks, that's right. We have the first pictures ever recorded of a new device that allows you to cycle out to sea. That's right! It's called "A Pedalo" , available at Union Lido, and after hours of deliberation, flow charts and OHP presentations, we gathered it has something to do with Pedals. We sent Jamie Connor out to Union LIdo with his trusty team of engineers and scientists to unwravel this device and get to know what it can do.

"It doesnt have a motor" exclaimed one of the scientists after studying the vehicle for over an hour. The floatation device pictured above, below and opposite runs plainly on 'pedal power' and allows for 24/7 floatation (wave size permitting) As you can see, the device was also outfitted with a slide for maximum water exposure. "We are sure that this device will no doubt flood the market in Europe & even beyond" says Jamie. "We do not expect this device to find a market within the dry land sector of holiday business" he added before throwing himself down the slide for the umpeenth time. You can hire the 'Pedalo' from the Union Lido beach and enjoy a relaxing float out to sea where sliding into the waters of the Adriatic will make the day fly by.

Holiday Fun pedalo, swimming

The Union Lido Bolero Burger

12/01/10 15:02

The Bolero Holidays burger as you can see takes on a whole new approach to genetically modified food. The Burger , comprised of 105% beef is laid inside a modified bun emblazoned with a translucent logo, created through genetic pigmentation and radiation gamma bombardment. It comes in two flavours, meat and vegetarian allowing both sides of the carnivorous coin to enjoy this tasty treat. Be sure to keep your eyes open for the Robbo Pickles which are sure to put a smile in your mouth!

Holiday Fun burger

Kids Club Promotes Fun Labour

12/01/10 15:00

Imagine the scene. It's 10:15am on a weekday morning at Union Lido and the sand tickles between your toes as your tanned figure lays glistening in the Italian sunshine. Under your large oval sunshades you flick the page over on a good book and smile to yourself, knowing that your bundle of joy is having fun at the Bolero Holidays Kids Club! Here, the kids can enjoy lots of fun activities including wash the tent, rake the grass (see opposite), re-wire the plugs and a personal favourite of the website staff, scrub the pavey's. Two glorious hours of FUN FUN FUN! When it's all done, you return to pick up your cherub refreshed and invigorated! (fun may vary, all children will be de-loused afterwards)

Holiday Fun kids club

Union Lido Unveils 'NogginBubble'

12/01/10 14:58

The 'NogginBubble' as Union Lido have called it is an emergency instant inflatable head flotation device designed to pull you to the surface should you get cramp in your legs, fall asleep whilst floating or dive down below a depth of 3ft. As you can see from the photograph, the device has inflated to the size of a tractor tyre. Unfortunately the only way to remove the device is to undergro a 12 hour surgery as for some reason, they smeared the inner edge of the device with pva glue.

Holiday Fun swimming

The Union Lido NRG Drink

12/01/10 14:57

My son recently returned from his holiday at Union Lido and in his little carrier bag of goodies he bought on site he presented me with a can of Union Lido's own Official Energy Drink which to be honest, I have held off opening until now.... Join me as we delve into the flavour of this drink right now... 'tssst'....The gas escapes as I pull up the ring pull and then it settles quickly...the air around my nostrils is quickly filled with the hint of lemon and the gas cloud over the opening of the can quickly dissipates. I lift the can to my lips, the liquid inside is fizzing nicely in my ears as I tip the can back and let the yellow bubbling liquid pour into my mouth. At once my tastebuds react, sending signals to my brain that increase my response to this drink. Am I in heaven? Sadly no, this is a nice alternative to lemonade with a kick but it's no red bull.

Holiday Fun nrg drink

Winston Returns to Union Lido

12/01/10 14:55

If you know Mrs Howe, you will know of Winston. The little bear that loves to travel and meet people. Mrs Howe recently sent us some photographs of his time with Bolero Holidays at Union Lido, Italy.

His story is a wonderful insight into the happiness a teddy bear can bring to everyone he meets and we thank Mrs Howe for allowing us to use his photographs on our website. Keep an eye out for Winston when you are staying with Bolero, he will have his trademark tent with him and probably his custom made Parasol.

Holiday Fun teddy bear

The Bolero Patio Power Shower

12/01/10 14:53

Those techno-boffins over at HQ have done it again! Imagine the scene....It's mid-day, you just got back from the sun-kissed private beach at Union Lido, your tan is smokin hot and as you near your luxury air-conditioned mobile home you notice that your skin is hot. Oh no, You need to take a cooling shower once your inside the accommodation....BUT WAIT! Why step inside the accommodation to have a shower when you can just stand outside and use the NEW Patio Shower! The Bolero Holidays PPS (Patio Power Shower) streams over 3 gallons of water down from the patio canopy to the soft grass below at a rate of 3.8 knots per cubic square mile resulting in 101% natural geyser motion and a shower 10x more powerful than a water feature running on triple A's. Bolero PPS - It's Like Mother Nature Just Sneezed On You

Holiday Fun patio shower

'Chris Weeds' Multiply at Union Lido

12/01/10 14:52

Union Lido - April and before the season can begin, the Chris-Weed hunt begins. This is a staff orientated event that was led by Andrea many moons ago. The staff would run around the site, collecting as many Chris-Weeds as they could using oven mittens and throw them all in a big container. The staff with the most weeds bobbing up and down won a years supply of oven mittens and one special pair of high heels that lifted your height to over 8ft (As displayed in this photo by Andrea) The Chris-Weeds are known to have originated over in Canada where the abundance of pine cones fuelled their diet.

Holiday Fun weeds

New Sign For Bolero at Union Lido

12/01/10 14:51

There were mixed views on the unveiling of the new Bolero Holidays welcome sign at Union Lido in May.The sign was crafted by the Union Lido DJ & Gansta Rappa "Gizmo" and you can clearly see that he poured alot of himself into the design. We spoke with a staff member of Bolero Holidays who had this to say, which we turned into text for you to read. "The sign conveys the same principles as the last sign but this time around it's been juiced up 500% to the rapper market" The sign has since been replaced as has the staff member that commissoned it.

Holiday Fun sign

Union Lido Bun Thief To Be Studied

12/01/10 14:49

If you have followed the stories from Union Lido with our Just For Fun page you will be aware of the bun thief of Union Lido. We were sent this photograph showing the bun thief "Anne" shortly before her feral rage and uncontrollable tendancies to pink iced buns.Scientists and Zoologists predict that Anne lost control of her human faculties after ingesting 10 pink iced buns and through some genetic misplacement and maybe a little harry potter magic she de-evolved into a bunivore and no, that doesn't mean she hunts bunnies, she hunts buns. Pink ones, white ones, steel ones it doesnt matter. If it's made from fresh bread, layered with icing and placed on a surface she can access (height permitting) she will take it.Anne is due to be released from her enclosure back into the wild where she will be studied and if she has beat her addiction she will be returned to a local community allergic to buns.

Holiday Fun bun thief

Air Lifted By Crow at Union Lido

12/01/10 14:49

Jason is one of Bolero Holiday's most notable mini heroes. He has worked for Bolero in past years and made sure that Bolero customers were transported to Italy on the coach in complete comfort. In this photo you can clearly see him about to turn on a leaf blower when the Union Lido holiday park was closed for winter. The photo was taken just before he clicked the on switch and the resulting battery powered wind turbine inside the blower kicked in and a gust of wind fired out of the back of the blower sending Jason 50ft up into the air. He landed in a nearby hedgerow and luckily a passing crow air-lifted him back to the ground.

Holiday Fun crow

The Union Lido Hokey Cokey

12/01/10 14:47

A very rare photo of "Mr Bolero" himself proving once again that he can "Hokey Cokey Cokey" just as good as the next man. At Union Lido this dancing fanatical pastime is worshipped every year with more and more people adding to the chain after each verse until the entire site is holding hands and the thousands chanting "Put your left leg in" echoes around the site and out into the night air. In following years, the song would be recorded by leading Union Lido songwriter "Julio Englishli" and a charity single to help out struggling worms re-enter the ground entered the charts at the very bottom for 10 minutes. The song was re-written and iconic lines such as "put your right leg out" became "wiggle your cyclindrical self out" and consequently many people ran out of breath trying to say all the lines. In 2007 Union Lido had to ban all use of the "Hokey Cokey Cokey" dance as on one occasion during the summer, someone had connected the last persons hand to a car battery and 800 people all had to go to hospital to be de-static-isiced after suffering the biggest electrical static chain ever recorded in history. One poor man walked past the hospital shop and was instantly mobbed by a balloon stand. Another leant against a wall and had to be prised free and a young lady still cannot get her hair to fall down around her shoulders.

Holiday Fun hokey cokey

Giraffe Steak at Union Lido

12/01/10 14:46

Giraffe Steak may sound wrong but if you tried it at Union Lido last summer you would instantly change your mind. It tastes like a combination of chicken, pork, beef and lamb depending on which way you cook it. So the chefs at Union Lido have been serving 'Pork style' Giraffe steak and 'Chicken style' Giraffe steak throughout the season. 'Lamb style' had to go on hold in August due to a shortage of mint sauce and 'Beef Style' offended the local cow carvers association who ordered an injunction be placed on the cooking of 'Beef style' deeming it "Upsetting to the cows who willingly enjoy mass slaughter on a daily basis"

Holiday Fun giraffe steak

Aqualandia and Jamie Connor

12/01/10 14:45

Jamie Connor and his tandem dive at Aqualandia drew hundreds of people hoping to capture a You've Been Framed moment. They were midly dissapointed when his dangerous dive was executed perfectly. Jamie has decided that in 2009 he will be performing a rather tricky Ciabatta roll with a 360 degree ham pike . All without the aid of a glamorous assistant.

Holiday Fun aqualandia

Twinkle Toed Toby at Union Lido

12/01/10 14:43

Twinkle Toes Toby Macintosh displayed his unique feet this summer at Union Lido. Adorned with a Bolero Holidays tattoo, he told us the harrowing story of his climb up a chain link fence back in the UK which resulted in his now "horned" feet. People flocked from all over the campsite to test out his balance by prodding and pushing him with a large oversized foam finger. We salute you Toby! You are one funny guy! But keep your socks on around small children and animals, they just wouldn't understand.

Holiday Fun toes

Tranquilizer Tennis

12/01/10 14:42

The Kids Club was a success once again. Leanne and Jemma gave the kids a fun morning and afternoon with games, arts n crafts. With the introduction of tranquilizer tennis to get the kids to sleep during Siesta in the main season, parents had a wonderful holiday and the children went home well rested.

Holiday Fun tranquilizers, tennis

Alligator Wrestling in The Adriatic

12/01/10 14:41

As you can see, this frighteningly crisp image was taken during a rather scary moment in August when a rogue African crocodile entered the shallow waters near the Union Lido private beach. Lucky for the fellow swimmers, Jamie Connor was on hand to tackle the reptilian foe. The fight went on for a good 10 minutes whilst onlookers looked on. Jamie managed to subdue the beast and has since adopted it at the local reptilian house zoo somewhere in the Italian area.

Holiday Fun alligator wrestling

Pirates invade Union Lido

12/01/10 14:40

Heres a photo you dont see everyday. It's the middle of July and pirates invade Union Lido. Of course not! This is the Jolly Roger and it docks in the summer season to entertain the children. Such fun games including, walk the plank, scurvy treats, wash the deck, climb the mailsail and put em in the brigg! A wonderful day in the life of a pirate.

Holiday Fun pirates

Lifelike Statues at Union Lido

12/01/10 14:39

Working with the artist Robinsoni, Union Lido have crafted life-like children in curious poses to attract attention through the campsite in 2009. The "lidoites" as the artist calls them will be seen around the nature areas, peering into pools, pointing to wildlife. Some will be around the swimming pool complex, checking the water or sitting in the shade. Robinsoni says "These are my masterpiece, when the 2009 season comes to an end I shall retire to a cave in the mountains and live out the rest of my days as a bear". We wish him luck!

Holiday Fun statues

Union Lido Boys Swing Into History

12/01/10 14:38

Boys swing to victory. Twin boys Sam and Matty went to swing on the Union Lido adventure park swing when they set off a 1,000,000th swing rigged up to a firework display. The firework display did set fire to an adjacent tree but safety officials got the fire out and managed to save the lives of 3 squirrels. The boys were treated to a free chicken n chips takeaway, 10 euros to spend in the local shop and their names will be engraved on a small plinth that will be placed at the base of the swing.

Holiday Fun swing

Sand Mermaid on Union Lido Beach

12/01/10 14:37

A Sand Mermaid was uncovered on the private beach at Union Lido in May. The mermaid stretching 10ft in length with a large flipper for feet and fin like arms became the talk of Union Lido. Historians believe she dates back to the age of the Dinosaur and was washed ashore when the oceans froze. They also say she buried herself in the sand to escape the cold and went into hibernation. The "Let our mermaid go" campaign from Lido de Jesolo (Local town) has petitioned to have her returned to the sea in a pea green boat.

Holiday Fun mermaid

Henry The Horse

12/01/10 14:07

Meet Henry the horse.

He looks like any typical horse but his owner, Andreax Puppi knows otherwise. For Henry is actually a cat. Hard to believe i know, but here are the facts as expressed by his owner. "Henry can climb trees and does in the presence of dogs. He drinks milk and claws the carpet. When he is happy he purrs to me and when he does his business he covers it up. He also mieows" We had the chance to meet Henry in June at Union Lido. Our decision...Horse with issues, owner with more issues.

Holiday Fun horse

Crossing The Ocean

12/01/10 14:03

August 2009 and the arrival of Petra, Dimitri and Wendy on the beach of Union Lido provided some elation and confusion. The three children had sailed across the ocean in a dinghy to promote a blonde hair highlighting product. Dimitri, 8 said "It was fun, we fought sharks, met spongebob squarepants and visited Atlantis"
The trio plan to cross across another ocean in 2010 to promote more blonde children in advertising campaigns.

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